I hate this feeling. I am forever lost. I felt that I'm wandering at a forest and kept coming to the same crossroad. Many times I thought that I have moved forward but in the end, I remained at the same place. I realized that I have stopped moving forward; staying behind, unable to let go off what I have been holding on to for years. Every time I tripped and hurt myself when I reach this pathway. I thought I throw away the branch that I tripped on but it's always there. It's actually rooted there that I don't seem to be able to remove it.

I used to know what I want to do. I planned for my future until circumstances changed it. No matter how well-planned you are, nothing goes smoothly as intended. You will never know what the future lies for you even though there's an old saying that the future lies in your own hand. But some times fate has something different for you. Who would have expected that I am now an account executive but nothing relevant to Accounting when all I wanted to be was an accountant back then?

Back when I found a new direction in my life that I wanted to pursue a master and be a lecturer; when I can have more time for my own and my future family, someone thought that I am not ambitious enough. Please never look down on a lecturer. Being a lecturer ain't simple and actually lecturers do earn a lot and I know this as I have know few people who are successful lecturers. But still things don't go as I have planned. Everything started to crumble again.

Recently, for so many months, the same question popped up again. Should I pursue a Master so I can be a lecturer or should I go for ACCA? I said that I will give myself 2 years in what I am doing now and then only I will decide. So, I should push this question aside. I am not completely lost but why did I keep coming back to the same part when I thought I am moving forward for my 2 years goal? Can I achieve my new aim? I used to look at my 2nd sister. I wanted to be like her but now I look forward to someone else. Can I be as successful as her? Can I be a manager in 2 years? I think that is a little hard to achieve. But still, at least I want to be a SAE in 1.5 years. Hopefully time can help to decompose the branch/root so that when I come back to this crossroad later in life, I wouldn't trip and hurt myself again. I will be able to choose to path that I want and it doesn't matter if a 3rd path appear as that will mean that I have found something else that I wanted to be.