Life vs Death

Life is so unpredictable. One day you saw this person and the next day he is gone from this world. You never know what will happen. I woke up in the morning and received a message informing that someone was dead in the family. I felt odd as I don't feel a thing. Neither do I feel sad nor I want to cry. It's odd as this person is my cousin. Some people has cousin who is as close as siblings and in other word, this person is my brother too. It's odd as I would cry if it's a friend. *Choi* But I'm sorry I got no emotion attachment because I barely know you.

I just realised that people do give thought on the way they are going to die. How would you spend your remaining time if you are diagnose with cancer? I found out the way they evaluate what they are going to do is so fascinating. I particularly like what Ray said. He will spend the time traveling alone, far away from the family as he does not want them to see him suffering and being unable to help. That thought of his loved ones being helpless is scary. They will be in vain. Although not being able to spend time with the love ones and making them worry about you, at least they are not suffering together with you.

I think I am the odd one out. People will think of their death. The way they will die due to natural courses (sickness, old age, accidents) but I never thought of those. I only think of the way I would end my own life (suicide) in the most "painless" way. I wouldn't cut myself and hang myself because I am afraid of the pain that I've to go through. I wouldn't jump down from a building as I am too timid to do so and I don't want my body to end of crushed and beyond recognition. The only way for me is to.... I don't wanna describe here. I don't wanna teach people the wrong thing.

All I can see is how different people's brain work or I should say how abnormal I am. I always can't find the reason why I am here on this Earth? What am I contributing to it? How can I make a difference to it? And I don't see my value here. Funny and odd but Joash's death some how still kept me pondering a lot. Although I DON'T know him, the effect is quite strong.

Life is so unpredictable. Do cherish it while you can. You never know what will happen next. Cherish all your moment with your loved ones too.