31 December 2011

How many times have I stand by my room window side, in the dark? It's been very long but it came to me again last night. Shedding tears which I haven't been able to cry for a long long time. Apart from crying when I watch movie, I can't recall the last time I cried, not even when my uncle passed away. When had I become so that I don't even know how to cry just because I don't want to, even when I feel like?

It's the last day of the year and I am feeling at lost (not because of love). So lost that I don't even know what I want to do next year. Who am I or who have I become? It's time to really give it a thought and most importantly to take action. I can't just dilute into my own illusion of reality. I finally have to succumb to the feelings that I have been suppressing for so long. I really have to decide a path that I want to take.

Thanks Mr Penguin and 爸爸 for having a talk with me even though I didn't completely open up. Revealing part of myself has been such a huge effort for me to do so. It's so not me to do so unless with someone I totally feel at ease with but maybe I have learn to trust the both of you without realizing it. It's time to contemplate. Thanks Mr Penguin for being so frank as well. Appreciate it a lot.

Also, I just realized, nothing is perfect. Even when you see the perfection within the imperfection, you do realized that there's just flaws as things will change. No matter how good it is, it will change with the course of the nature or due to peer's influence.

Here's a mash up version of my favourite song:


The song "Rivers Flow in You" have accompanied me for many years through my ups and downs. Even listening to it everyday will not make me sick of it. It helped me to be at peace with myself, to chill down, to lighten/brighten up my mood.♥