Unwell

Regretted taking one day off today. On MC. I would rather be at work but I'm too exhausted to do so. A little food poisoning from my Malacca trip and also the being feverish on and off for the past few weeks had taken toll on me.

Home alone for a while and I was crying out of the blue. I dislike this feeling within me. Not physically sick but mentally I feel unwell. Don't know how to describe this feeling. It's like the heart is aching from all the ambiguity and the so not me recently. I shouldn't use dislike... should have use "hate". I hate this feeling.

Feels like really going on a break that wouldn't "break me apart". Going some where far far away. Soul searching I would say. Backpacking or doing some voluntary work. If I can be Elizabeth Gilbert how good would that be. Earning by just writing then I don't have to worry about income.

It feels like that time of my life where I need to learn to love myself more. Learn to care about my own feelings and not let people take advantage of me for being so true. I still need to learn how to wear a mask so that I don't get hurt. So I don't feel so vulnerable.

“Find the love you seek, by first finding the love within yourself.”
- Sri Sri Ravi Shankar
Lost of appetite yet again for 3 weeks. Didn't really eat dinner after work. Only eat more on my trip to Penang (16-18 June) and Malacca (23-24 June). I gained weight in these 2 trips yet losing weight during that 3 weeks is so minimal. Isk.

CK brought me to Malacca to celebrate my birthday. I'm 24* this year yet I felt nothing like that. I feel like a child. I am still immature and everyone around me (except CK and DC) is so much older that they treated me like a little sis. Yet at the same time, I feel very old. I can't imagine that I'm 24. OMG. I don't look as young as I used to be. Some times looking at my friends' Facebook picture, I can see that they look older too especially my secondary school friends whom I have not meet for ages. CK's parents said I look more mature; Ray commented I look mature BUT my characteristic doesn't suit my look. WTF! But I will say that I'm serious when I have to. I'm mature but just that I don't think I need to be serious and mature at all time. Being myself, happy-go-lucky would be way nicer.

*I know age should be something sensitive for a girl but not for me now.

I am 24 yet my career is no where to be seen as blossoming. I felt stuck at my current level. 24 but I haven't achieve anything much in life. Sad. But everything has 2 sides of POV. I am just being rather negative today. I will be the over optimistic self in just a while. If DC is around, things would even be better. His negativity makes me more positive. I feel bad saying this but it's so true. When he relent his life, I would help him see things in more positive light and that makes me happy. Helping others make me happy. Weird right. And I am feeling better by just blogging about it. Haha... Such big change in mood. Such a Cancerian I am. ^^

While Google-ing, I found this very nice quote:
The word "IMPERFECT" actually spells "I'M PERFECT" because everyone is perfect in their own imperfect ways.

Nice. Here are some other nice quotes about loving yourself:

  1. "The love you seek is seeking you at this moment.” - Deepak Chopra
  2. "You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."- Buddha  
  3. "To love others, we must first learn to love ourselves." - Anonymous
  4. "Self-love seems so often unrequited." - Anthony Powell
  5. "Love is the great miracle cure. Loving ourselves works miracles in our lives." - Louise L. Hay
  6. "I am somebody. I am me. I like being me. And I need nobody to make me somebody." - Louis L Amour  
  7. "If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy."  - Kristin Chenoweth
  8. "You cannot be lonely if you like the person you’re alone with." - Wayne Dyer
  9. "You have to choose whether to love yourself or not." - James Taylor
Hope they inspire you.